


But I Don't Wanna Be A Host!

by RandomestFangirl



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: POV Original Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22851019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomestFangirl/pseuds/RandomestFangirl
Kudos: 1





	1. Summary

Alexandria Tsukinomori is an adopted street urchin from the bustling city of Ikebukuro, Japan. Her mother died during childbirth and her father gave her his mother's maiden name, Tsukinomori, for her last name and his grandmother's maiden name, Alexandria, for her first. He killed himself soon after. Not being able to cope with his love's death, he left his only child to live alone in a dark, cruel world. She was passed around, never staying with a family for more than three weeks, until the age of three. She knew she was unwanted, so she ran.She survived the cruel streets for two years, alone. Three days after her fifth birthday, she found a frail two year-old girl hiding between two dumpsters in a dark alley. The girl's name is Saraphina, she had been kicked out of her home by her abusive father and cowardly mother seven days before. Saraphina is a genius, even if she is a child. Neither ate well in those days. Alexandria took Saraphina under her wing. For five years they survived together, building a bond stronger than steel. Saraphina never knew her last name so Alexandria told to use Tsukinomori. Alexandria learns to fight, to protect the one she loves. Saraphina learns to mend Alexandria's wounds and keep them both healthy. They both learn how to cook so they won't starve. Alexandria became a pickpocket to earn money for them. Three days after her tenth birthday, her life changed forever.

She got caught.

Her target was an old man who had a hidden bodyguard. The old man adopted her, to be able to use her as a pawn. She is forced to attend school after school, not staying at one school for long. She hasn't seen her dear little 'Phina' since that day. She is starting at Ouran Private Academy in the morning.


	2. My oc(s)

Alex(andria) Tsukinomori

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Height: 188cm

Hair: Short, spiky, silver

Eyes: Blazing to icey, varies in color and pattern

Skin: Pale, smooth, has a few scars on her back

Face: Usually has bored expression, rarely ever smiles, scowls a lot

Blood type: AB

Birthday: 10/31 (October 31st/Halloween)

Zodiac sign: Scorpio

School Outfit: Black tennis shoes, navy blue pants, a loose-fit short-sleeve crimson t-shirt, a black wristwatch on left wrist, a black coat that has white faux-fur on the lapels, and a red leather collar around her neck. Never wears a bra, doesn’t need one.

Host: Protective Delinquent Type

Saraphina Tsukinomori

Gender: Female

Age: 13

Height: 150cm

Hair: Long, wavy, dark brown/almost black

Eyes: Big, warm, soft, shy, hazel

Skin: Light brown

Face: Constant shy smile, kind, “sun-kissed”

Blood type: A

Birthday: 10/30 (October 30th)

Zodiac sign: Scorpio

Background info: Saraphina’s mother never wanted a child but, her father wanted a son. They kicked her out at the tender age of two, on her birthday no less. She lived close to a restaurant at the time and, while wandering around aimlessly and crying, found herself in the small alley between the restaurant and a small clothes shop. There she collapsed from exhaustion. She was later found by Alex and, as she got older, learned how to cook and tend to wounds. She remembers nothing about her life before the day Alex found her except, blurry faces hurting her. She is extremely smart. From the age of three she could read and would read anything she could get her hands on. 

After Alex was caught, she survived on her own by using the huge stash of cash they had saved up to buy food. She built a small cabin in the woods behind the maze behind Ouran Private Academy and has been living there for three years. She likes watching life at Ouran every chance she gets.


	3. Class Schedule

_**Schedule:** _

  1. Homeroom
  2. Culinary
  3. Math/Science
  4. Literature/English
  5. Lunch
  6. History/PE
  7. Theater



_***Clubs are held after school unless approved by the Chairman*** _


	4. Prologue:  Memories of the Past

I have the same dream every night. Well, it's more like a collage of memories… It's a beautiful spring afternoon, not too hot, not too cool. I'm standing on a corner between a bank and a fancy looking cafe. My eyes roam through the crowd, looking for an easy target. I'm a self-trained pick-pocket, with my small wirey body, it's not too hard. Plus, dispite my age, I'm fast, faster than most adults. I don't tire quickly either. I spot an old man with a big bulge in his back pocket, and react instantly. My body moves with the crowd, expertly shortining the distance to my target. I bump into him lightly, tucking his wallet into my sleeve as I keep walking. I mutter an apology, “Sorry, Old Man, but I need it more…” Before I can get very far though, I feel an iron grip on my shoulder. “Well I'll be… A theif trying to make off with my employer's wallet,” a happy voice states. I try to run, dispite the hand holding me. It's instinctual. “Whoa there! You're not going anywhere,” the voice chuckles. “It's instinctual,” I mumble, “There's no stopping the instinct of Fight or Flight.” The voice chuckles again, “That's something you don't see often, an honest theif! Though in a Fight or Flight situation, I have a hard time believing that you'd always flee…” He chuckles and I think, 'What is with him and chuckling!?’ We haven't moved from our position; me leaning forward away from him, and him holding onto my shoulder in a vise like grip. I scoff, “Why would I fight a fight I'd lose?” He outright laughs now, “True! C’mon, my boss wants to meet you.” I stay silent as he steers me toward the old man… except when I look at the rooftop that my 'sister’, Saraphina, is hiding and let loose a shrill whistle. A signal telling her that I've been caught, I'll find her when I can, and to stay safe. All too soon, we arrive. “Is this street rat the one,” ahash, deep voice asks. “Yes sir, this is the girl who just about made off with your wallet,” the man holding me cuckles happily. “Your sure,” the old man asks, disbelief written plainly on his stern, wrinkled face. I get angery, 'How dare he doubt my skills,’ I growl lowly in my mind. I produce the wallet in question with a flourish. “Is this your card,” I ask sarcastically. “Why… yes it is young street rat,” he purrs, I shudder, “You know… I could use someone like you,” he pauses, “Unless you want me to involve the authorities…?” I don't hesitate in saying, “Actually, yes I would,” firmly. He quirks an eyebrow, “Really?” I nod, no way do I want anything to do with this old man… I need to get back to Saraphina ASAP. The man holding me laughs, “I like this one, sir!”

Then time speeds up and all I see are short scenes.

The cops arriving.

Me being shoved into the back of their car… thrown into a cell… drug out the cell and into an office…

Social workers talking…

Being put back in the cell…

My trial…

A judge…

Adoption papers… 

The old man with a scary smirk on his face…

Arriving at a mansion…

A door being locked…

Me training…

Going to school after school…

My reflection changing…

Over and over…

My reflection…

The last thing I see before waking… Saraphina’s face… heartbroken… Her voice the last thing I hear, “Alex…”


	5. Ch.1 New Kid in a New School (Here we go again)

I wake gasping for breath, just like I've done since the day I was 'adopted'. I look at the clock and sigh, three a.m., sharp. I 'shouldn't be up' until five, two hours from now. Once I'm awake, it's damn near impossible for me to fall back to sleep. Plus, my door won't be unlocked until breakfast, so I decide to exercise.

For the next hour and fifteen minutes, I stretch, warm up, flex my muscles, and basically, work up a sweat. At 4:15, I start my cool down and at 4:45, take a shower and get dressed. I wait five minutes until my 'wakeup call'. I am not in day-clothes, they don't like it when I 'stray' from their 'precious' schedule. As I wait, I think about today.

Today is the day that I start at yet another new school. I don't mind school... except for the fact that I have to put up with rich, girly-girls and prissy-pretty-boys. Rich people are annoying. I should know, I'm forced to live with them. _Technically_ , I was adopted, but I'm more of a prisoner or tool. At five a.m., sharp, my door opens to permit a single man entrance. His name is Shiro Takaoda.

He was born in Japan but raised in America, being Japanese-American. He was the head of security, not to mention my original captor. Now, he's my personal butler-slash-bodyguard-slash- 'master'-slash-minder. He has sandy-blonde hair, bright green eyes, and a boyish face.

He sighs when he sees that I'm already awake. "Ohayōgozaimasu, Miss," his choice of words making alarms in my head blare. The only time he calls my 'Miss" is if 'Mr. or Mrs. Kotaro', my adoptive 'family', is with him. If they are with him, I'm usually in some sort of trouble, they have a mission for me, or they just want to berate me.

"Ohaiyō, Takaoda-san," I reply, letting him know his message was received by calling him 'Takaoda-san'. He nods before giving me instructions, "Breakfast in fifteen, you have ten to be ready." With that, he's gone. 'Ten minutes to prepare myself for my adoptive 'parent's' anger,' I think as I get dressed in the uniform for the school I will be 'attending' from now on.

'I'm _not_ wearing this,' I think, looking at myself in my full-length mirror. I'm wearing a big, poufy, frilly yellow _thing_ , called a dress. 'I'd rather die,' I continue my thoughts from earlier. My long silver hair flows down my back like a river of moonlight. A knock on the door is the only warning I get before it opens, admitting an old woman in her late 70s. "Mrs. Kotaro," I bow. "Child," is her only acknowledgement that I even exist. Though it confuses me, I do not let it show.

After a minute, she states, "They sent us the wrong uniform, change," a pause as she looks at me for the first time since entering, "From today on you are male, understood?" "Yes, Miss," I reply as she leaves swiftly, like I am a disease. After she's gone, I relax slightly. _'Yes!_ I Don't have to be a cream puff, thank you very much,' I think as I put on my usual outfit.

It is a blood-red T-shirt, navy-blue pants, a black leather belt, plain white socks, a pitch-black watch, a midnight-black jacket with white faux-fur lapels, and, to top it off, a crimson leather collar. "Looks like I'm skipping breakfast today," I sigh as I'm finishing up. Someone knocks on the door. When they don't enter right after, I call a simple, "Come in."

It's Shiro with a tray of food. "I stand corrected," I mumble, "Ikedakimasu!" I eat quickly and gather my school supplies. "It's time to go," Shiro, who is waiting by the door, announces. "Hai," I reply as I walk out of the room and straight out the door, pausing to slip on my black tennis shoes before approaching the awaiting limo, not looking back.

"You'll be getting a haircut when you get back!" I don't acknowledge the speaker as I climb into the back of the limo. "Go," Shiro tells the driver, and we're off.

Time Skip ~ At School

  
Pink, Yellow, beige, and blue appear to be the school's main colors. The school itself is pink, most of the female students are wearing the yellow dresses, most of the male students are wearing beige sweater vests, and there are a few male students who are wearing a blue suit. 'They must be a club,' I think as we pull up.

Shiro gets my attention by waving his lightly tanned hand in front of my face. He hands me a file and I skim through it. It contains a map of the school, my schedule, a booklet of the school rules and motto, etc. "I have been granted permission, by the Chairman, to stand outside your classes, eat lunch with you, and basically stay close enough to you to be able to keep an eye on you," His voice is warm.

I'm quiet for a moment. "Good, I hated that I had to wear the anklet in the last school. That thing feels more like a collar than the one around my neck. I hate tracking devices," I sigh, "Let's go, people are starting to take notice. And thank you... for being nice to me and putting up with all my shit over the years."

I exit before he can reprimand me for my foul mouth, pulling my hair into a messy ponytail as I do. I hear gasps and whispers in my wake. I toss my long silver hair out of my face and hear a bunch of squealing from the girls. "Tch," I grimace, deciding to ignore the noise. I walk up the steps and into the school, Shiro right behind me.

I hand Shiro my schedule and ask for my homeroom. He sighs, "Class 2-A." I find room 2-A on the map, put a mark on it, and find where we are. 'Left, strait for two crossroads, up the stairs, left, straight for three crossroads, right, and fifth door on the right,' I mumble and proceed to the classroom.

When we get there, class has already started and I sigh before knocking. "Yes," a voice asks. Opening the door, I state that, "I am a new student," and, "This is my first time navigating these halls," and to, "Please pardon my intrusion," while bowing. "Ah, Kotaro-kun. Welcome. I was told to expect you," a woman in her early forties bows slightly, "Please, come in... Is that Takaoda-san? I have been informed that he is to stand outside the door. Is this correct?"

I nod and walk in, closing the door behind me. I go to the front of the class and wait for further instructions. "Introduce yourself, please. My name is Sara-sensei," Sara-sensei says. "Hai. My name is Alex Tsukinomori. I know Sara-sensei said that my last name is Kotaro, however I prefer my real last name. I was adopted by the Kotaro family When I was ten. I am now seventeen.

"I like freedom, free running, martial arts, and my bodyguard, Shiro. I dislike closeminded people, bullies, fake people, those who would look down on others, rich people, and people who annoy me. My hobbies are training and running away from my house. I refuse to tell any of you my dream," my voice is monotonous.

"Okay, you can sit beside Tamaki and across from Kyoya," she points to a blonde boy, who seems like an idiot, and a Black haired boy wearing glasses, "That is unless you're willing to answer a few questions from your fellow students...?" I notice the two boys are wearing the different uniforms I saw this morning. 'Definitely a club,' I think. I relax my posture considerably, "Shoot," I smirk, "But now that introductions are out of the way, I can be my uncensored self."

A bunch of hands spring up. I point to someone at random. They ask, "Why aren't you in uniform?" "Don't wanna," I keep my voice at a lazy drawl. I point to another, "Are you seeing anyone?" "Hell no." Sara-sensei reprimands me, most of the class gasps, Kyoya writes in a black notebook, and Tamaki... faints.

After they calm down, we resume the impromptu interview. "Why do you run away from home?" "There's someone I need to find." "You don't like the Kotaros?" "Pass." "You know martial arts?" "Well... Yeah. I first started teaching myself when I was young. At the time, I was living on the streets of Ikibukuro and needed a way to protect myself."

"Alright class, last one," Sensei calls. Only Kyoya and Tamaki have their hands up. 'I don't wanna answer a stupid question. So...' I point at Kyoya, 'I'm going to regret this.' "Are you willing to come to Music Room 3 after class today?" "...What?" "I refuse to repeat myself. Come to Music Room 3 after class as repayment for your rudeness earlier." "Um..." the bell rings. "Looks like it's time for the next class. Ja ne!" Sara-sensei rushes us out the door.

'This school is weird... I never got to sit down,' I think as I walk, 'I think I'll skip the next class.' "Where do you think you're going? Your next class is this way," Shiro drags me to my next class. 'Shit! I forgot about him,' I sigh and allow myself to go limp in his grasp as I resign myself to my fate of attending the hell called high school.

My next class is awkward compared to homeroom. It's a class of third-years! I get stared at the whole time. 'It's not my fault I'm good at cooking!' Culinary is the only class I have with only upperclassmen, so I'm thankful for that at least. The teacher assigns a project for everyone to make a specialty dish to share with the class tomorrow. I decide to make orange pudding.

'Hopefully 'they'll' allow me to use the kitchen, I mean it is for school...'

Time Skip ~ Lunch Time

  
"Finally! Some free time," I yell happily, running to the roof with Shiro on my heels. "Aren't you going to eat, Alex," Shiro asks, worriedly. "I brought a bento," I explain, "I hid it in my bag last night." He nods. I eat my lunch in record time and get into one of my many meditation poses.

I have my back resting against the chain-link fence, arms crossed, one leg stretched out strait, the other bent at the knee with the knee lifted into the air, and a scowl on my, slightly shifted down, face. I kinda looked like I was scowling at the poor roof-top.

'I shouldn't have told 'em so much about myself... And that freak with the glasses... He'll make my life ten times harder if I don't show up... That's the vibe I got from him... My life is already hard enough... I'm going to be severely punished when I get 'home', but I don't have a choice except to go to that location... Hello, three days of starvation,' I think, then empty my mind.

Time Skip ~ Last Class

I walk into the auditorium, immediately seeing the blonde idiot. 'Of course, he'd be in theater,' I think, groaning silently at my luck, 'I probably know all the material already, too.' He sees me and a smile lights his face as he waves, yelling, "Alex-kun!" I scowl at him as I climb the steps leading to the stage.

"Are you in this cla-," he says but as he gets close, I grab the front of his uniform, throwing him over my head. "Don't. Touch. Me," I say, glaring at him, "Next time I'll kill you." He sulks. 'What the fuck is wrong with him? He should be scared shitless or happy to be alive... Preferably both... Why is this school so strange,' I groan mentally.

A fellow crossdresser, female, walks up to me. I notice that she's wearing the same uniform as the Blonde Idiot. 'So they're in the same club... She's probably going to yell at me for threatening Blonde Idio-.' My train of thought crashes as she bows, apologizing for 'Tamaki-sempai's' thoughtless behavior. "But you didn't need to throw him... He's pretty harmless," her tone honest and blunt.

"You... You're different from the other rich people here... You aren't annoying," I harden my face into a 'mean' mask, "But I grew up on the streets. An orphan, alone, in a harsh world. I had to grow up fast," my face darkens, "Out there... You can't trust anyone but yourself." I can tell she doesn't believe what I told her about only trusting myself, but she doesn't push me about it either.

"I'm an honor student. My mother died when I was young. The cooking and cleaning, I took upon myself. I, too, had to grow up quickly," she turned and walked to Blonde Idiot's side, looking over her shoulder to add, "And you should drop the mask. It doesn't suite you," as class started.

I stood there, shocked.

Time Skip ~ After Class

  
'I guess it's time,' I think as I step out of the auditorium, only to have both my arms grabbed. I drop, causing whoever grabbed me to have to try to support my full weight. I then jump straight up, only seconds later. I grab their wrists and throw them to the ground. "What's up with people in this school and touching me!? I mean really," I huff angrily.

I look down at my 'attacker...s(?)', noticing their wearing the special club's uniform... and they're twins. They pick themselves up, telling me I'm rude and that they were sent to act as guides. I sigh inwardly.

"First, never touch a stranger. Second, you should've spoken to gain my attention, introducing yourselves. Third, I can find my way just fine. Fourth, never sneak up on me unless you have a death wish. Let's go, Shiro. I want to get this over with," I growl out, walking away quickly. I fill him in on the way. The only indication he gives that he heard me is a single grunt.

My phone vibrates, alerting me of an incoming call. I put it to my ear, glancing at the ID. It's labeled, 'Kotaro-sama,' also known as, 'The Old Bastard'. "Sir," I greet in monotone. "I received a message from Shiro that a teacher asked for you stay after... You haven't been found out so soon, have you," his condescending voice pisses me off. I refuse to let it show. "No sir. They're just angry because I showed them up," my voice is still void of emotion.

By now, I'm in front of Music Room 3. "I have arrived at my destination... If you will excuse me, sir," I say calmly. I can't afford to piss him off. "Tch. Know your place, Brat," he growls, hanging up. I sigh and open the door. I remain unfazed when I'm met with bright light, rose petals, and a chorus of voices saying, "Welcome!"

My vision clears of the blinding light and I think, 'Blonde Idiot and Crossdresser left before me... But how did the Creepy Twins get here before me!?' I accidently mumbled it instead, and a small boy overhears. He says, "Haruhi-chan is a boy, silly!" "Ehhh," I am surprised, "Really? You can't tell? She's a girl, you know." I'm suddenly up against the wall, pinned by the Creepy Twins.

I sense a 'dark presence' near the door and see Kyoya locking it. I let out some of my own 'dark presence' and the Creepy Twins flinch in fear. "Let me go before I kill someone," My voice is low and soft, but dark. The Creepy Twins harden their resolve and tighten their hold.

I take a deep breath, so as to fight the oncoming bloodlust and stop the bloodbath that would come of it. "I stumbled upon a secret then. Look, I don't care about whatever the circumstances are... I won't run. I won't even leave the spot I'm standing in. Just. Let. Me. Go. Before. I Go. On. A. Rampage," I grit out, "It's taking all I have in order to hold myself in check."

I stare into Kyoya's eyes. He gives a signal and I'm released. I immediately sit down and turn myself into a ball. I do some breathing exercises. After I calm down, I sit up. "Thank you," I sigh. 'Damn assholes... I bet they only see me as a tool,' I growl lowly, without realizing. "Are you referring to Mr. and Mrs. Kotaro," a low voice that could only belong to an Ootori; cold, dark, and calculating, questions. I turn towards the voice and see Kyoya.

"Great... I go to school with the literal spawn of Satan... And he's in my class. Can't life just leave my ass alone FOR ONE FUCING DAY!? Fuck," I rant, "What did I ever do to deserve this," I'm incoherent by now.

When I finish my second breakdown, I round on the asshole himself. "Why did you want to talk to me about? If I don't like what you have to say, I'll beat you black and blue," I snarl and am kicked into the wall on the other side of the room by a small foot.

"No one bullies my friends," the little boy stares in a cold tone. He has a powerful aura around his body and a deadly set to his face. I start to lose consciousness from the impact. As my senses dull, I manage to grunt out, "Ouch..."

When I wake, I'm lying on my bed. My hair is still long and it's already too late to cut it today... unless... *Knock, knock* "Yes," I say. The door opens and Shiro walks in wielding a pair of scissors. "They ordered you to cut it no matter what," my words are a statement, a fact, not a question. I sigh as he nods.

I walk over to my desk and sit in my chair. "Proceed... But... Please, save what you can of what you take off. I'll make bracelets or rope out of it," I am still. I feel like I'm betraying myself. 'Here I go, breaking the promise I made to myself... That I wouldn't cut my hair until I freed myself from the assholes that practically own me and find Saraphina,' I think.

Almost as if reading my mind, Shiro whispers in my ear, "I'm sorry... I really don't want to do this to you." "It's fine. I'm fine," my voice is shaking, "Proceed." I watch, numb, as he pulls my hair into a high ponytail and cuts it off near the base. I'm shaking slightly, gasping, trying not to hyperventilate. When he's done fixing it so that it's even; I have short, spiked trusses and pass out.


	6. Ch. 2 New Me (or Something Like That)

I awake at the same time as any other day and start my morning routine. I grab my culinary homework, which I did with the help of Shiro by sneaking out of my 'room' after I had recovered from my passing out, on my way out the door with Shiro in tow, heading to school after. When we arrive, we go to the culinary room to drop off my homework. Then, we go to my Homeroom.

"How will you keep the 'I'm actually a girl' secret with having to change for Physical Education," Shiro asks quietly. "By skipping," is my reply, until he glared at me, "Fine. I'll use a stall," I sigh. He grunts his approval as we arrive, early, at the classroom. We're alone and I sigh in releif, slumping into my seat. "How am I supposed to act around... Them... Now!? Ugh," I slam my face onto my desk, only just realizing. I groan loudly, 'Why!? Now they have something on me!' My wallowing in self-pity and, slight, embarrassment is interrupted by the sound of voices outside the door. "You could teach him how to be a gentleman if he were to join,' say a somewhat soomth, baritone voice. "But he's so violent and scary, Mommy," says a high-pitched, whiny male voice. "He's no worse than a grumpy cat compared to Hani-senpai when he's woken from his nap early," 'Mommy' says, "Besides, he's hiding something."

The door opens, revealing the owners of the voices to be Satan's Spawn and Tamabaka themselves. 'WHY ME,' I scream in my mind. Tamabaka actually screams, hiding behind Satan's Spawn. Satan's Spawn only smirks. They must've been talking about me. 'Damn you, Satan's Spawn,' I growl in my mind, 'Does that mean Satan's Spawn is "Mommy"?' I snicker at the thought, but I keep a blank mask.

I sigh, softly, "Why is he acting like a scared rabbit," I ask Satan's Spawn. He raises an eyebrow, smirking, and shrugs. I shudder internally and narrow my eyes at him, "What? I thought 'Mommies' were supposed to know why their child is scared?" His smirk grows, "Based on our positions in the Host Club, that is what he calls me, yes... So wonderful of you to show interest in joining on your own."

"I refuse," I deadpan, "As thrilling as wooing vapid, shril-voiced, rich, squealing girls that like to watch a bunch of rich idiots, a poor crossdresser, and a super-computer-minded, evil mastermind be 'charming' sounds... I'd rather be beaten to a bloody pulp by a school of starving gang members for not respecting their leaders."

Everything is silent for a moment, shattered only by Tamabaka's screeching, horrified voice yelling, "Mommy! The scary boy is using vulgar words! We _can't_ let him join! He's worse than the twins! He's not joining and that's final!" He's posing 'dramatically' in an offended way. "Tamaki," I tense hearing Satan's Spawn address Tamabaka, "I think only an amazing gentleman like you would be able to turn a vulgar boy like him," I growl as he points to me, "Into a proper Prince Charming... Besides... He owes us, and he knows it." Satan's Spawn grins like the evil being he is, and I sit up scowling. "It's not up to you, or me for that matter," I state, "If you want me to join _so_ bad, you'll have to speak to Mr. and Mrs. Kotaro. If they tell me to join, I'll have no say in it."

"Why's that," Tamabaka asks. "None of your concern. What's between the Kotaros and I is no one's business but ours, and Shiro's," I sigh, "You are both annoying and nosy. Figures, damn rich people..." "By the way... Why are you wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday," Satan's Spawn poses his question like a predator going for the kill and Tamabaka response in a horrified and overdramatic way.

The conversation goes like this:

~Tamabaka- *gasp* I thought your parents were rich!? Do they treat you bad? You poor thing! Now you _have_ to join! We will provide you with a few uniforms, snacks every day, and we cosplay often. so you won't have to wear the same clothes everyday and you get at least one full meal.

~I stop his rant there- *Growling* I have 17 pairs of this exact outfit, in total. Also, I don't want to join your goddamn, fucking Host Club. Leave me the fuck alone. Lastly, my parents are dead, _meaning_ I'm an orphan.

~Tamabaka- Oh no! You poor boy! No _wonder_ you have no manners... *Points at me* I have decided! _From now on... You are a Host!_

By now I'm foaming at the mouth and Satan's Spawn is smirking victoriously. Shiro chooses this moment to stuff in. "He is not permitted to join any clubs without his guardians' approval," he says calmly, "They are very strict on account of all the times he's run off without telling anyone where he was going." Satan's Spawn raises a brow before asking how he could contact the rich jerks. After obtaining the Bastard's number, he calls him right then and there, on speaker.

The conversation goes:

~O.B. (Old Bastard)- Koatro.

~S.S. (Satan's Spawn)- Mr. Kotaro. My name is Ootori Kyoya. I am a classmate of your charge, Alex.

~O.B.- Has he caused the School trouble or managed to escape his bodyguard again?

~S.S.- Neither. I am calling to ask if you'd be willing to allow him to join Ouran Academy's Host Club.

~O.B.- ... Why?

~S.S.- Because he threatened multiple of our members and, as repayment for not pressing charges, the president of the Host Club wants to train him into a gentleman.

~O.B.- You can make him into your clubs errand boy, if you want. Tell him that I give the president of this... Host Club... authority over him.

~S.S.- Very well. Thank you for your time. (I, "Tch," in the background.)

~O.B.- If that is all...

~S.S.- Yes. I'll let you get back to your day... Good day.

~O.B.- Good day. *Click*

Satan's Spawn smiles creepily at me as I glare at him. "Come to Music Room 3 after class... We'll talk more then," Tamabaka says happily, "You do look handsome... And! There are girls who want to talk to you, even if you aren't very polite!" I move my hand to quiet him and he flinches. "Would you shut up already!? Just leave me alone," my voice is low, "I'm not a lot of things... happy, trusting, weak... to name a few. And I? _I am not a Host._ " I lay my head down and ignore everything else until class starts.

*Time Skip ~ Culinary*

I'm almost late for culinary because Sara-sensei gives me a stack of papers and tells me it's so she can figure out where I am in correlation with the rest of the class. The bell rings right as soon as I walk in. "Right on time, Alex-kun! Now please go to your station so class can begin," Akuma-sensei says. I respond, "I know," and head to my station, which looks like a tiny kitchen, I share with a soft-spoken girl named Mirayuki Shiba, who asked me to call her Shiba-chan even though she's a senpai. "Oh-ohaiyo... Alex-san," she greets. "Ohaiyo, Shiba-chan," I greet back. 

"Ohaiyo, Mina! To start, let's share our homework with everyone," Akuma-sensei states energetically. She has has come up one at a time to pass our dish, along with slips of paper with our name on them, around. "You will rate each dish on flavor and presentation," Akuma-sensei explains after the first person dishes out their work. 'Great... I hope it's anonymous,' I think with a bored sigh. "The ranks are from one, unsatisfactory, to ten, amazingly good. Rank flavor and presentation separately," she adds.

*Time Skip ~ Last Dish*

I yawn. 'Why is this class filled with ineptitude,' I think as a handout my slips of paper and the orange pudding I made. Over half of the dishes I've tried have tasted wrong. One savory dish tasted bitter, while one sweet dish was salty. 'How someone mess fruit salad up so, _so_ badly,' I shudder, 'Mayonnaise is not whipped cream!'

I hand Shiba-chan her portion last and eat my own. The next thing _I_ know, everyone is fainting or melting or... 'Why is Akuma-sensei praying while crying,' I sweatdrop, 'What a weird school.' Shiba-chan is frozen beside me.

"Ano... Shiba-chan," I try to get her attention, "Daijobu deska...?" She doesn't move at first, then, she starts muttering something under her breath. "Nani," I ask, "What is it?" "Amazing... Best thing I've ever tasted...," she spoke, "Is... Is this... Is this heaven?" Even after the bell rings, everyone is _still_ in a daze.

*Time Skip ~ Lunch*

I sprint out the classroom, dodge the Creepy Twins, sneak past Hani-senpai and the tall, quiet senpai that's always with him, and not run into Haruhi in my escape to the roof. "Safe," I say, happy. I quickly eat my lunch as I listen to the rustling of breeze tickled trees. I lay back, my empty bento beside me, and close my eyes. 'This is nice... Shiro's gonna to yell at me though,' I think, 'I just hope Satan's Spawn, Tamabaka, and the Creepy Twins don't find me... _Oh shit!_ I showed weakness in front of Satan's Spawn. Dammit! I ran like a fucking coward.'

I hear multiple sets of footsteps. 'Did they find me!? Ugh...' I think, 'Fucking Old Bastard... Making a slave of me.' I jump onto the highest point of the roof about five seconds before the door slams open. Breathless panting and tired huffing fills my ears as dust limits my view to distorted shadows.

When the dust clears, I see Shiro and the Host Club standing there looking for me. "Tch," Shiro looks to be in thought, "This is where we ate lunch yesterday... Alex...? You up here...?" I stay silent. "Can't we," one twin begins, "Call him," the other finishes. "We should leave him alone," Haruhi mumbles, "He'll be at the clubroom later anyway." "But Haruhi," Creepy Twin One begins, "The King said," Creepy Twin Two continues, "We need to make sure he eats," they finish together. "I have his phone," Shiro puts in.

"Why do you have his phone," Satan's Spawn asks. 'Now or never,' I think as I prepared to show myself, 'Can't be a coward forever.' "I don't need or want it. That's why," I jumped down to stand in front of Shiro, "I know what you want to say. Don't. Also, I already ate." I scowl at Satan's Spawn and think, 'Die and to go back to Hell where you belong,' then my attention is stolen by the childlike face of Hani-senpai, 'Ah... He looks sad...' I feel a twinge of sadness, knowing I made him sad.

'Dammit,' I think. I greet him, Haruhi, and the tall, quiet one with a polite nod, ignoring the others except Shiro. I am suddenly 'attacked' buy a blond blur. I react on instinct, kicking said blur in the face. Tamabaka groans in pain and I say, "Whoops," in deadpan. I sigh as he goes crying to Satan Spawn yelling, "Mommy! Our son kicked me! _In the face!"_

"Did he now," Satan's Spawn raises a brow, "What should be his punishment?" Shiro speaks up, "That was kind of my fault... The way I trained him is so that, if he is attacked, he reacts quickly and counterattacks. Mr. and Mrs. Kotaro have a couple of enemies that are willing to harm Alex, or kidnap him for ransom for that matter." Satan's Spawn looks at him, "We still have to punish him," he states. Tamabaka gets an idea. He poses saying, "I know! Alex, for one week, you have to charm any girl or woman you speak to. However, Mrs. Kotaro, as your guardian, is barred from this."

He's smiling like a crazy person. "Whatever," I sigh, "Haruhi is included though, right?" Satan's Spawn responds with, "She is a girl." I shrug, "Fine." Everyone, except Shiro, is shocked that I agreed so quickly. Shiro knows I agreed because I've had a few seduction, infiltration, and assassination missions from the Kotaros. Plus, there was the loophole of just not speaking to the rest of the female population... besides my teachers, Haruhi, the nurse, and whoever they force me to as a 'club member'.

I smirk, "I think I already have a legend about me floating around the third years, Shiro... So, what does another mean to me? I wonder what kind of foods Haruhi-kun likes... Haruhi-kun?" I look at Shiro first, then Haruhi as I speak. She thinks for a moment before saying, "I've never had fancy tuna before. Why do you ask," earnestly. The bell rings and I tell her she'll know why later. 

"Ja ne, Hani-senpai, tall-quiet-senpai, and Haruhi-kun! Get to class, Creepy Twins. I will head to class first, Tamabaka and Satan's Spawn. Let's go, Shiro," I drawl, heading inside. I then sprint to the boy's locker room in the hopes of snagging a private stall. When I get there, all I see are private stalls. 'I ran for nothing,' I think as I change will Shiro gaurds the entrance to my stall.

The coach announces that the girls will be sharing the gym with us today and that we will be playing volleyball in a 'class clash', 2-A vs 2-B. "the girls will be using one half of the court, while we use the other," Izumi-sensei calls, "There will be three sets, loser cleans the gym on Saturday before the basketball game! Let's see what the new kid can do!" 'I've been singled out,' I think, 'Great...' "Class 2-A boys! Decide your players!"

Me and five boys form team 2-A, while Tamabaka becomes the leader of a 'cheer squad' and Satan's Spawn takes a lot of pictures of me and Tamabaka. I play as the setter and I'm the first to serve. Why? I don't know. I ended up winning the first set, by myself, because no one was able to receive my serves. 'What is wrong with the school!? why is there no good players on the other team,' I think.

"Oh my... 23 to 0," a girl from 2-B exclaims, "Isn't that the new kid?" "I think it is," one of the others gasp, "I think he's in the Host Club!" I get ready for the next match. "You surprised me there," a way to bright voice comments, "I never would have imagined your glare would be of such use!!" I deadpan, "What glare? I haven't glared once since the game started," as the opposite team changes people. Tamabaka looks scared, "Then wh-what kind of face w-was that...?"

"A serious one," Satan's Spawn butts in, "Or a blank one," he sounds _almost_ friendly, "The other team will be serving first." I yawn, "Whatever." Tamabaka squaks an indigent, "A gentleman is never rude," to 'repremand' me.

*Time Skip ~ End of Class*

"Class 2-A is the winner," the coaches shout after blowing the whistle, "Go get dressed!" Tamabaka tries to talk to me all the way up until Shiro blocks him from entering the stall I choose to change in. Luckily he takes the hint and lets me change and peace.

*Time Skip ~ After School*

I walk to Music Room 3 slowly. Alone with my thoughts, beside a silent Shiro. 'I wonder why Haruhi joined that club,' I think, 'Probably debt or blackmail...' I pause, seeing the Creepy Twins waiting in front of the door, 'Well... Someone's impatient.' "You're slow," Creepy Twin One says. "It's almost time to start," Creepy Twin Two states. "And King still needs to speak with you," says Creepy Twin One, shrugging.

I raise my brow, "So?" They laugh, "You really are a delinquent!" 'So that's what they think of me,' I think, asking, "Why is it that that evil, glasses-wearing, Ootori _really_ wants me to join?" They shrug again, "Who knows," a statement, not a question. "What's Hani-senpa's real name... The quiet one too," I ask. "Haninozuka Mitskuni and Morinozuka Takashi," they grin. I step forward and open the door. I am, once again, met with bright light and fluttering rose petals.

I am unaffected, even as I hear the Creepy Twins announce, " The new member is finally here, Boss!" "Finally! Mommy, why is our son so late," Tamabaka despairs, "He has no manners!" "Hello Haruhi-kun," I greet politely, "Haninozuka-senpai and Morinozuka-senpai." _"_ _Ale-chan_ _,"_ Hani-senpai shouts as he bounds towards me happily, _"You really came!"_ He stops in front of me holding a pink stuffed bunny out to me, "Meet Usa-chan! Usa-chan, Ale-chan!"

I nod at Usa-chan, "Usa-chan," I pause, "Haninozuka-senpai, do you know Shiba-chan? She's a third year." Hani-senpai pouts, "Call me Hani..." I sigh, "Hani-senpai." Hani-senpai smiles as Tamabaka and the Creepy Twins complain about how I treat them compared to Haruhi, our senpais, and even Usa-chan and Shiro. Meanwhile, Satan's Spawn states that she's in Hani's homeroom. "Yep! She sits beside Takashi," Hani-senpai chirps, "Shi-chan's shy!"

"Have you seen her since this morning," I ask, "She was acting strange in class today." "You have class with Shi-chan," Hani-senpai asks, tilting his head adorably. I nod, "Culinary." Everyone but Haruhi, Mori-senpai, and Shiro gasp. "Everyone from that class has been spaced out," Creepy Twin Two says. "They all keep mumbling about, 'seeing the God of Food'," Creepy Twin One puts in. "But you seem fine," they state together.

I shrug, "I don't know," I state dryly. "She seemed fine to me," Hani-senpai peeps cutely, "A little dreamy, but fine." Mori-senpai nods in agreement. "Thank you, Hani-senpai. Isn't it time, Haruhi- _kun_ ," I glance at Haruhi. She looks at Satan's Spawn in askance.

"Mitskuni," Mori-senpai's voice is deep and soft, "You had something to ask him." Hani nods, "Do you want to eat some cake with me, Ale-chan?" I stare at him for all of three seconds before Tamabaka is rushing everyone into place saying, "Alex, for today, all you have to do is watch how we do things. Shiro-san, if you'd like, you can sit down as you wait for club to be over."

Shiro catches my eye. I sigh, "I won't leave without telling you," as I am stood beside Mori-senpai. "Try to greet our guests with a smile," Satan's Spawn smirks at me. I sigh, again. The doors open and we all bow, they say, "Welcome," with a smile, and I paste a board look to my face, staying silent with Mori-senpai.

Satan's Spawn announces that I will not be a choice for the guests for a few days, "In order for our newest member to see how things are done." Hani-senpai pulls me over to his and Mori-senpai's area calling a very happy, "We get Ale-chan first!" I allow myself to be pulled along thinking, 'He reminds me of Sara-chan.'

I spend the first five minutes sitting with the simpais and to their customers. I eat some cake with Hani-senpai. Mostly, I just observe the rest of the members and geusts.

My mental observation list:  
1.) Tamabaka is a baka... And his guests eat it up.  
2.) Satan's Spawn is evil and no one knows just how evil he is.  
3.) Girls still like Satan's Spawn, despite his evilness.  
4.) Haruhi gets along well with everyone and can actually handle Tamabaka well.  
5.) Hani-senpai is too cute for words and treats Mori-senpai like a puppy.  
6.) Hani-senpai is Mori-senpai's most precious person.  
7.) The twins aren't as creepy as I first thought.  
8.) The twins are wearing a mask.. just like me.  
9.) Shiro looks uncomfortable.  
10.) Everyone, the Hosts and guests alike, keep looking at me for some reason, while whispering.

By the time the club closes for business, I'm ready to sleep for days. "Ale-chan! Do you want some cake," Hani-senpai asks before I can grab Shiro and make my escape. I blink at him and everyone gets a look of concern. "Tsukinomori-senpai, are you alright," Haruhi-kun asks. "Yeah," Creepy Twin Two says and Creepy Twin One continues with, "You look a bit pale."

Shiro checks my temperature, "You don't feel like you have a fever..." I sigh, 'Really, why is everyone so worried,' I think. Tamabaka's face is suddenly very close, too close, as he stares into my eyes. His lips are moving but I don't hear a thing. "What," I ask, in an uncharacteristically confused voice, "Get away, Tamabaka. You're too close." He becomes depressed and, out of the corner of my eye, I notice Satan's Spawn walking towards me, a first aid kit in his hand. I glare at him, 'What's he going to do with that,' I think.

Someone touches my hand and I start. I look at the one touching me to see small, concerned face. 'Hani-senpai,' I think. I watch him speak, as I can't hear anything, and numbly wipe his tears of worry away, "I'm alright, Hani-senpai. Don't cry." I manage a tiny smoke before I faint.


End file.
